ALABAMA: Literacy ain't everything Ya want fries with dat?
ALASKA: Come, freeze your butt off
ARIZONA: Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds
ARKANSAS: At least we're not Mississippi
CALIFORNIA: The Granola State Nobody's actually from here Fast reloading lanes available The really long state
COLORADO: Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here Official home of the winter ski bunny
CONNECTICUT: Way too close to New York
DELAWARE: You'll need a map to find us So close to Washington you can smell it
FLORIDA: The Gunshine State Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die Senior citizen discounts available Come, enjoy the humidity The snow capital of the US
GEORGIA: Home of the Rednecks Gateway to Florida Confederate money welcome
HAWAII: Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over Book 'em Danno Tom Selik, Jack Lord, Don Ho - Paradise! Come, get lai-ed
IDAHO: Ain't nothing here We don't care if you spell potato with an "e" Land of a billion "eyes"
ILLINOIS: Land of the voting dead Gateway to Iowa
INDIANA: Home of David Letterman
IOWA: Just east of Omaha It's easy to spell
KANSAS: Hayfever capital of the Midwest Dole slept here There's no place like home Ya want flat, we got flat
KENTUCKY: Tobacco is a vegetable We're all related Gateway to Nashville
LOUISIANA: Swim the beautiful Bayou Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will never hurt you
MAINE: For Sale You can spit on Canada from here
MARYLAND: If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us
MASSACHUSETTS: Home of the young girls from Nantucket, also the home of Ted Kennedy, hmmmm...
MICHIGAN: Land of the free, home of the Buick
MINNESOTA: Not Sweden, but we try to act like it Sure beats Canada
MISSISSIPPI: We're lucky we can spell it Why would you want to come here?
MISSOURI: Gateway to Kansas Here's mine, Show Me yours We're better than Illinois
MONTANA: Land of the Big Sky, and very little else We've got lots of 10'x10' shacks in the woods It's where you're wanted. At least our cows are sane.
NEBRASKA: More corn than Kansas Go to Kansas, turn north
NEVADA: More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too) 2 words - Death Valley 3:5 you'll leave broke We have our own nuclear testing site
NEW HAMPSHIRE: Like Old Hampshire, only newer About as exciting as Vermont
NEW JERSEY: You have the right to remain silent, You have the right to an attorney... Tell 'em Guido sent ya
NEW MEXICO: Lizards make excellent pets We have reservations Alien Welcome Center - Roswell
NEW YORK: At least we're not New Jersey! We're more than a big city; we're a state Like we CARE about a motto English spoken here; sometimes
NORTH CAROLINA: Five million people; Fifteen last names We're bigger than South Carolina
NORTH DAKOTA: The OTHER South Dakota
OHIO: Don't judge us by Cleveland Proud polluters of Lake Erie We're easy to spell
OKLAHOMA: We're OK, you're NOT! I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto
OREGON: As pretty as California but not as weird We're not named after a musical instrument You can see the sunset from here
PENNSYLVANIA: Cook with coal Free lub job with oil change
RHODE ISLAND: Size ain't everything Nobody famous came from Rhode Island
SOUTH CAROLINA: Just south of North Carolina
SOUTH DAKOTA: Closer than North Dakota
TENNESSEE: The Educashun State Thank goodness we've still got Elvis A great fixer-upper
TEXAS: Si Hablo Ingles See, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas!
UTAH: Our Jesus is better than your Jesus At least our sheep can't talk
VERMONT: Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns
VIRGINIA: Please don't confuse us with West Virginia!
WASHINGTON: We like our state, so STAY OUT!
WEST VIRGINIA: Where "family values" has a different meaning
WISCONSIN: Land of funny accents. Say "Cheeeese"
WYOMING: Where men are lonely and sheep are scared