House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced at a press conference today that up to 25% of President Clinton's cabinet and staff appointees have masturbated at some time during their public service careers. When pressed for his sources, Gingrich cited unnamed undercover operatives hired by the Republican National Committee. He also acknowledged the use of surveillance equipment placed in White House washrooms at the request of a special House oversight committee. Rep. Gingrich said that subpoenas were being prepared for the accused Democrats, and he also called for a joint FBI/NEA investigation to identify the persons who taught them how to masturbate, and to determine whether federal funds were involved. The White House press office responded in a prepared statement. In it the President dismissed the allegations of Rep. Gingrich: "Our staff members must pass very stiff credential checks. If I became aware of moral depravity in any of these individuals, I would personally see to it that they were yanked." The President was also quoted as saying "I tried masturbation once during my youth, but I did not climax."
(From the "Rest" of RHF)