The following was written by a friend (firstname.lastname@example.org) and posted to a local humor group. Submitted with permission. [ local thread about wives who don't appreciate the finer points of husbands spending hours online reading mail ] "Do I have to read my mail every day? It's not a question of, 'should I log in and check my mail', it's 'when can I log in and check my mail and read news and play netrek?' This is a necessity! Why do you think I'm cutting back on food? Saving for retirement? No way! I haven't eaten in a week so that I'd have enough money for a 14.4 modem so I can SLIP to school and really be on the net! Why should I spend my time cleaning the house and 'taking out the trash' when 'rn' is just two measly characters away? And 'irc' and 'elm' falling in at a close second with only three characters? I can live off of 7 characters and the space-bar, dear, so I'll be damned if I'm going to waste 15 minutes of my on-line time scrubbing the bath tub. It's only dirty around the edges anyway! Who stands on the side of the bath tub? Look, right there in the middle, right where we all stand when we take a shower, what do you see? That's right, white bath tub. And what is that you're throwing away? A scrap? Look how it sits nicely right on top of the trash bag? It's not going anywhere! You could fit a lot more stuff on top of that trash bag. And why should I cook dinner at home when I could make a phone call and have someone else make it and bring it to me? Hey, don't even think about picking up that phone, now! Can't you see I'm using the modem!? So don't you come to me complaining about the state of the house and about how we don't have any more money. Look at this computer! It's worth the amount we paid for it in productivity alone! I mean, how could I do my term papers without a 486DX-66 with a VESA local bus? And, my God, I've done nearly two complete papers this year! So it's definitely time for a break and you know what I'm gonna do about it? Two letters: r-n." But what I really said was: "Coming, dear!"
(From the "Rest" of RHF)