[This was circulating at my wife's company.]
WIFESPEAK ENGLISH EQUIVALENT --------- ------- ---------- * You want <==> You want * We need <==> I want * It's your decision <==> The right decision should be obvious by now * Do what you want <==> You'll pay for this later * We need to talk <==> I need to complain * Sure,... go ahead <==> I don't want you to * I'm hungry <==> (a) Make me something to eat (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together your last $$, and go drive across town and get me something to eat. ... I don't care if what you are doing is important. * I'm not upset <==> Of course I'm upset, you moron * You're,... so manly <==> You need a shave and you sweat a lot * You're certainly <==> Is sex all you ever think about? attentive tonight * I'm not emotional! <==> I'm having my period And I'm not over- reacting! * Be romantic, turn <==> I have flabby thighs out the lights. * This kitchen is so <==> I want a new house inconvenient * The car is empty <==> Go fill it up * The trash is full <==> Take it out * The dog is barking <==> Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong * I want new curtains <==> and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper * I need wedding shoes <==> the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white * Hang the picture <==> NO! I mean hang it there! there * I heard a noise <==> I noticed you were almost asleep * Do you love me? <==> I'm going to ask for something expensive * How much do you love <==> I did something today you're really not going me? to like
In answer to "What's Wrong?"
* Nothing <==> Everything * Everything <==> My PMS is acting up * Nothing, really <==> It's just that you're such an asshole * I don't want to talk <==> Go away, I'm still building up steam. about it