A few years ago my (then) company was doing the ol' layemoff twostep every couple of months. We had a good mailing list going at the time, this was pretty much a joint effort between Jeff Welch, Randy Houk, and myself. When I got laid off from Pacific Data Products I modified it and emailed it to select people. I thought I'd pass it along to RAF. ------- Well, it appears our beloved company needs some help to survive the barbarian hordes up in Redmond, Wa. We've already taken the easy steps, so here are some proposed further cost-cutting measures: All gratuities will be eliminated. 1. Coffee and hot chocolate will no longer be freely available. Don't be surprised if on Monday you are asked to pay 60 cents for a cup of coffee and 50 cents for hot chocolate and tea. 2. Restroom stalls, since PDP is charged for their cleaning, will be attatched with coin receptacles. We may be paying 25 cents for each epoch dump. 3. Restroom electric hand dryers will installed which will cost an additional 25 cents. With the reorganizations taking place there's no telling who will be using your yucky keyboard in the future, for health reasons not washing your hands after shaking hands with Mr. Happy will be grounds for dismissal. 4. Parking. Yes, we may have to pay for parking. 75 cents a day for normal spaces and $3.00/day for those who take up two or more spaces. 5. Basketball court. Since PDP does not charge any membership fees for use of the basketball court, and not all employees use these facilities, we may have to pay for use of it. How much is Family Fitness membership? $99 a month for six months? 6. Hot water. For those who try to save money by bringing instant coffee and hot chocolate mixes, there could be a charge of 10 cents for the cup of hot water. And maybe even a charge for the styrofoam cup itself? 7. Microwave. There could be a surcharge for microwave use, it does use electricity. This would mean that if one brought their own instant coffee, their own cup and tried to heat cold water to make it, they may have to pay up to 30-40 cents. 8. Computer access. Since many employees use their PCs for non-work related exercizes, there could be a net access charge as well as a charge for each piece of e-mail (the post office does it). A Sun e-mail letter could cost 5 cents, whereas a reply could cost 2-3 cents. ccMail, being brain dead, will cost 25 cents per message. Possibly a simple per line charge could be implemented. These measures are a bit drastic, but it's for the good of our financailly burdened company. We are projected to bring in a meager 25% profit instead of the cushy 60% we're all used to. So bring in all your laundry coins and grin and bear it. And in this way, those of us who are left can all weather the storm.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)