email@example.com (John N. Ecker)
From the rec.humor.funny joke archives.
This one circlulated on e-mail where I used to work. Don't know who
exactly is responsible...
I knew this feller, he told me this, I don't know if it's true. He
said that one day he was riding through North Carolina and he saw
a sign that said: "VASELINE-POWERED CAR FOR SALE". He thought this
was pretty odd, and he had plenty of time to screw off, so he
decided to follow the signs to look at the Vaseline-powered car.
He drove for about 5 miles and finally came upon a sign that
pointed up a driveway, which led back into some woods. He pulled
in and drove about half a mile and came upon a house. It looked
deserted so he blew the horn. He waited for about a minute before
an old man came out. He rolled his window down and called out to
him, "Hey! Is it true that you have a Vaseline-powered car for
sale?" The old man assured him he did and the feller asked him if
he could see it.
They walked back behind the house to an old barn. The old man
opened the double wide barn door and there was a car sitting under
an old dirty blanket. The old man pulled the blanket off the car
and under it was a shiny red Corvette.
"1969, 396 Cubic inch, 400 horsepower, 4-speed transmission", the
old man said. The feller asked him if it was true that the car ran
on Vaseline. And the old man went to the Vaseline tank and stuck
his hand inside. When he pulled it out it was covered with
Vaseline. "Care to drive it?", he asked.
As the feller snapped on his seat belt the old man said, "Don't go
too fast. Vaseline has more pick-up than regular gas. And it's low
on Vaseline, too, so don't go too far". This feller turned the key
and that car fired up and it sounded like the space shuttle and
then it settled down like a purring tiger. He found first gear and
eased out of the barn. He turned onto the hardtop and hit second
gear at 45 mph. Third at 70 and into fourth at 95. The car felt
wonderful! 110 mph and so smooth! And the pick-up was
unbelieveable! He had covered 5 miles in under 3 minutes and all
of a sudden the car shut off. He coasted to a stop and got out.
To his fear, he was out of Vaseline. He started to walk.
Meanwhile, down the road...
A family had just finished supper. There was Dad, Mom, and two
daughters, one home from college, the other in high school. Dad
was telling Mom how good supper was and Mom said that since she
cooked such a fine meal that she shouldn't have to wash the dishes.
The oldest girl said that she couldn't do the dishes because she
had a date and the other said she had homework to do and couldn't
do the dishes. Dad said that he was the man of the house and he'll
be damned if he did the dishes. They argued for a few minutes and
then Dad told everybody to shut up. He said that since they
couldn't decide who would wash the dishes then what they should do
is go in the living room, sit down, and the first person to say
anything would have to do the dishes. They agreed and moved to the
living room. They sat down and stared at each other, not speaking
a word. Everybody had their mouths closed. Nobody dared to speak.
Silence filled the room.
There was a knock at the door. A few moments later, another knock.
The man at the door saw the family throught the window. He knocked
again but nobody answered. He walked in.
"Hey, I knocked on your door but nobody said...hey, food! Do you
mind if I have some?" The stranger asked. Nobody said anything.
So he went to the table and started eating. He looked in the
fridge and found some beer and asked if he could have some. Nobody
said anything. He drank three or four beers and got a little buzz.
He walked into the living room and asked dad if he minded if he had
sex with his oldest daughter. Nobody said anything. He took the
girl in the bedroom and had sex with her. Later, he was back at
the supper table drinking more beer. He walked back into the
living and asked dad if he could have sex with his youngest
daughter. Nobody said anything. He took her into the bedroom and
had sex with her, too. Later, sitting at the table, after more
beer, mom started to look pretty good. He walked in and asked dad
if he minded if he had sex with his wife. Nobody said anything.
So he took mom into the bedroom and had sex with her. When he was
through he walked into the living room and stood in front of dad.
"Hey, do you have any Vaseline?", he asked dad.
And dad said, "I'll wash the damn dishes."
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