| RHF Joke Archives |

Forward from: Peter Wayner <pcw@access>  (Original source unknown)

Redwood City, CA (API) -- A tense stand-off entered its third week
today as authorities reported no progress in negotiations with
charismatic cult leader Steve Jobs.

Negotiators are uncertain of the situation inside the compound, but
some reports suggest that half of the hundreds of followers inside
have been terminated.  Others claim to be staying of their own free
will, but Jobs' persuasive manner makes this hard to confirm.

In conversations with authorities, Jobs has given conflicting
information on how heavily prepared the group is for war with the
industry.  At times, he has claimed to "have hardware which will blow
anything else away", while more recently he claims they have stopped
manufacturing their own.

Agents from the ATF (Apple-Taligent Forces) believe that the group is
equipped with serious hardware, including 486-caliber pieces and
possibly Canon equipment.

The siege has attracted a variety of spectators, from the curious to
other cultists.  Some have offered to intercede in negotiations,
including a young man who will identify himself only as "Bill" and
claims to be the "MS-iah".

Former members of the cult, some only recently deprogrammed, speak
hesitantly of their former lives, including being forced to work
20-hour days, and subsisting on Jolt and Twinkies.  There were
frequent lectures in which they were indoctrinated into a theory
of "interpersonal computing" which rejects traditional roles.

Late-night vigils on Chesapeake Drive are taking their toll on
federal marshals.  Loud rock and roll, mostly Talking Heads, blares
throughout the night.  Some fear that Jobs will fulfill his own
apocalyptic prophecies, a worry reinforced when the loudspeakers
carry Jobs' own speeches -- typically beginning with a chilling
"I want to welcome you to the 'Next World' ".

| RHF Joke Archives |