Here is a set of samplings from the one-liner file. When processing submissions, if I see a short joke that is good but doesn't quite merit a posting of its own, I put it in the one-liner file. I haven't posted the results for quite some time, so some of these are pretty old. I have split the file up into 10 chunks of around 300 lines each. Some newsreaders go crazy and try to "undigestify" this -- beware. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Bart Sears) Subject: football (American) existential question Carl Steward, a columnist in the Fremont Argus newspaper, posed this question: If you get penalized for excessive celebration for a TD that is reversed by replay review, does the penalty still count? = = = = = = = From: C512052@umcvmb.missouri.edu (David K. Drum) Subject: Another ST:TNG Tasha Yar/Data joke Q: What does Tasha Yar list on her resume? A: Data Entry = = = = = = = From: email@example.com Subject: Magazine similarities Heard on a local radio morning show: Why is reading a Playboy/Playgirl magazine like reading National Geographic? You get to see a lot of great places you'll never get to visit. Greg Williams firstname.lastname@example.org = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Beth Schwindt) Subject: Obligatory Amiga Putdown, by a PC user Q: What is a Nintendo if you hook up a keyboard? A: An Amiga. Attitude sold separately. = = = = = = = From: dave@uunet.UUCP (David Rounds) Subject: Green Bay Packers Lose Again Source: Classified (Person to Person) in Chicago Tribune 12/6/91 WILL the lady who left her 11 kids at Lambeau Field plese pick them up. They're beating the Packers 21-0. = = = = = = = From: MWOLFE@alhrg.wpafb.af.mil (MICHAEL WOLFE) Subject: Office Automation We are phasing in a "paperless office." We are starting with the restrooms. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Telly Mavroidis) Subject: new shampoo This came to me last night, I haven't heard it before: Did you hear that Sinead O'Connor is coming out with a new shampoo? It's a roll-on. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com Subject: Safe document processing (Original) Practice "safe" document processing. Use Latex. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Faulty utterance I believe this joke to be original, although I heard it from a friend a few days ago, and it's so obvious that somebody must have used it years ago: What says: "Pieces of nine, pieces of nine!" A parroty error! adh = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Jenny O'Donnell) Subject: joke - vasectomy problems I just heard this at lunch today from a co-worker cracking up the table. In his words: "After my vasectomy, my testicles disappeared. The doctor couldn't find them, so he replaced them with small onions. Now I only have two problems, first whenever I see a gorgeous woman my eyes water, and second whenever I see a delicious hamburger I get a massive hard-on." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (John Stracke) Subject: A revolution in education The other day I saw a headline from a couple of years back: "Bush Wants a 'Revolution' in Schools." So that's where the guns are coming from! = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Russ Nelson) Subject: Funny buns I took Brad Templeton out to lunch one day, and afterwards, we stopped by a bakery to bring eleven doughnuts back to the office. The baker offered a free sticky bun to pad our order to an even dozen, and Brad refused the bun. After we left, I asked why. He said that he never selects buns, especially pad buns. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Filk (original): "Moonshine on my shoulders." (To the obvious tune ...) Moonshine ... on my shoulders ... makes me slip'ry ... Moonshine ... in my eyes ... would make me cry ... Moonshine ... mixed with water ... still tastes lovely ... Moonshine ... almost always ... makes me high ... If I had a brew that I could brew for you ... I'd brew a brew ... sure to make you smile ... If I had a still so I could distill for you ... I'd make sure we had moonshine all the while ... = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Martin Soques) Subject: ted just doesn't get it As told by Jay Leno: Q: What did Ted Kennedy say when Willy Smith was acquitted? A: PAAARTY! PAAARTY! PAAARTY! ... = = = = = = = From: BRYAN@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu Subject: This week on MTV... [ setup: MTV has a show called Unplugged where popular musicians perform without the benefit of electric instruments. ] Last night we were watching MTV when they ran an ad for an upcoming show called "Paul McCartney Unplugged." My wife looks up at the TV and asks, "wouldn't he die?" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Original nerd joke Did you know that Arethra Franklin was one of the first network programmers? Listen closely to the lyrics of "Respect": R-E-S-P-E-C-T Tell you what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Open up a TCP socket to me socket to me socket to me socket to me... = = = = = = = From: email@example.com Subject: Yet Another Corporate Merger Original. One of the more interesting takeovers in the recent past was that of GE taking over the makers of BVD underwears. For diversification purposes, of course. Their new slogan, you ask? "We bring good things to life, in your BVD." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (jlinder) Subject: 7-11 Stores Something to ponder: If 7-11 stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, then why are there locks on the doors? = = = = = = = From: WILSON_M@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz Subject: Getting old (and forgetful) source: My father (a doctor) "If you can remember to say 'Alzheimers' every day, then you havn't got it." = = = = = = = From: WILSON_M@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz Subject: Graffiti Seen on a park fence: FIGHT APAth = = = = = = = Organization: Genesis Public Access Minix From: email@example.com (Brad Ackerman) Seen on the back of a 911 driven by a blonde: _____________________________________ | | | If you can beat me, you can eat me. | |_____________________________________| = = = = = = = From: Adam.Frix@cmhgate.fidonet.org (Adam Frix) Subject: New Christmas dolls "The Kathy Rigby doll--pull HER string, and you'll be sorry." --Gary Burbank, AM 700 WLW radio (Cincinnati) = = = = = = = Organization: The Cellar BBS and public access system From: uunet.uu.net!cellar!watmath!cellar.org!hacksaw@watmath Subject: A sign of the times... Seen on a local BBS: As the expected time of birth drew near, the mother-to-be asked her obstetrician, "Will my husband be permitted to stay with me during my delivery?" "Certainly," the doctor answered. "The father should always be present at the moment of birth." "That wouldn't be a good idea," the woman remarked. "He and my husband don't get along." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (John Hagerman) Subject: Old Movie Song, New Joke Q: What do you call Willy Wonka's bathroom? A: The candy man can. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Dr Nancy's Sweetie) Subject: Original Joke There's a new book in the works about Gorbachev and the failed coup last August. It's titled _The Premier Who Came Back From His Cold_. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (J. Porter Clark) Subject: Touchpad spelling I have a friend who is so stupid that he tried to enter the 1-900-SPELLIT contest, but he kept getting the wrong number. Original, so shoot me.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)