[original, funny (I hope), offensive to nerds, power users and radio hams...] (with apologies to Cosmopolitan, Byte, and the ARRL it's...) The Power User's Guide to Power Users, Part II: The Quiz Are YOU a Power User? 1: Your ideal holiday is: a. Alone on South Sandwich Island, with a radio, antenna, and lots of beer. b. Just you and your Amex Gold Card at any Silicon Valley computer conference. c. Anywhere at all, as long as you can take along your PC. 2: Your ideal spouse: a. Someone who owns controlling stock in Yaesu, Icom, and Kenwood, and doesn't mind being alone while you're away on a "DX-pedition". b. Owns controlling stock in Borland, Microsoft, Lotus, IBM, and Novell, and buys you software upgrades on your wedding anniversary. c. "What? Er, you mean, like, a woman?" 3: Your favourite food is: a. "Food? Who cares about food? JY1 is on 20 metres right now, calling 'CQ DX'!" b. "Just a minute, I've got the recipe right here on my database.... Now, how do I run dBase again?" c. Anything with caffeine in it, for those overnight debugging sessions. 4: Your favourite book is: a. Anything published by the American Relay Relay League. b. Anything with the words "Power User" in the title. c. Anything at all, as long as it's on floppy disk. 5: What is a GUI? a. "VP8GUI? Yeah, he's that guy on South Sandwich Island who sends Morse Code with his left foot!" b. "Just a minute, I've got the recipe right here on my database.... Now, how do I run dBase again?" c. "A crutch for Power Users who can't handle the DOS command line!" 6: Two Jehovah's Witnesses arrive at your doorstep: do you a. Scream at the top of your voice "you dragged me out of a QSO with JY1 for THIS?!??!" b. Invite them in to show them your new Borlosoft MicroNavigator [tm] package, and offer to optimise their path through your neighborhood. c. Ask them for the number of their BBS. 7: What kind of answering machine do you have? a. You don't have a phone - anyone who wants to talk to you calls "CQ DX from South Sandwich Island". b. "This is a voice response system. If you want to speak to me, press 1; if you want to speak to my wife, press 2; if you want to speak to ten-year-old Jimmy, press 3..." c. A V32 modem with auto-answer. 8: At the supermarket, the checkout-person is having trouble scanning your box of cornflakes. Do you: a. Run out of the supermarket without your groceries. (You just heard on your scanner that the 6 metre band has just opened up to Europe.) b. Pull out your cellular phone, call IBM Tech Support... c. Hah! What do checkout chicks know about technology? You scanned everything while she was packing the previous customer's groceries. 9: What is your greatest programming achievement? a. Making your PC conduct Morse Code contacts with 57 'rare' countries, without human intervention! b. Getting a macro published in "DBMS" magazine that sorts a column of numbers. c. "When GEnie went down that time, they blamed it on the San Francisco earthquake, but I know it was my worm! [evil cackle]" 10: Which of these statements is most likely to pass your lips? a. "JY1 UR 59, 73! QRZ?" b. "Jennifer, call IBM Tech Support, would you? I'm getting a 'write protect error' thing on my CD-ROM drive." c. "Yeah, a '486 with 16Mb, 1.44 3.5 and 1.2 5.25, VGA, WORM drive, and a V.37 M7F at 14400bps! Hacker's heaven!" SCORING: If you answered... Mostly 'a': You must be a Radio Ham. Your spouse will divorce you, but you will be too wrapped up in a 20 metre band CW contest to notice. Mostly 'b': You are a Power User. Your spouse will leave you for a Power Lawyer, who will hit you with a "Look 'n' Feel" lawsuit, but you won't know what it is you should have been looking at and feeling. Mostly 'c': You are a Computer Nerd. Spouse? Are you kidding? Either way, looks like you'll end up alone. Sobering thought, isn't it?
(From the "Rest" of RHF)