Top 10 reasons Saddam is leaving Kuwait:
10) Sears 2 for 1 sale on Scuds is over.
9) American troops capturing Air Force generals before he can shoot them.
8) Only way to get those damn CNN crews out of the country.
7) No more Kuwaiti VCRs to steal.
6) Special war reports keep pre-empting "Alf."
5) War not as fun when other side shoots back.
4) Top Secret "play dead and whine" defense not working.
3) Economy hurting; hard to pump oil from burning wells.
2) Albert Goldman and Bob Woodward threatening to write books about him.
1) Siskel and Ebert gave the war a "thumbs down."