DISNEY TO OPEN NEW SECTIONS IN POPULAR THEME PARK by David Cochran, Staff Writer ORLANDO - Walt Disney Studios announced today the opening of several new sections to its DisneyWorld them park. In keeping with the naming conventions of creating a different "land" for each section of the park, the following new sections will be added to TomorrowLand, FantasyLand and AdventureLand: Olivia de HaviLand - Dedicated to those actresses that have taken the art of emoting and turned it into a lifestyle. The featured show in this section is the Liza Minelli Cabaret. Weekend services will be held at the Shirley Temple. (Early press releases may have referred to this section of the park by its working name: Judy GarLand.) Barbara CartLand - For the romantic at heart. This entire section of the park has been created from fluff, resulting in a visitor's inability to distinguish one place from another. Dry ice is used throughout the section to create the appearance of a steamy atmosphere, but this section is perfectly safe for all visitors as its actual content is completely nil. Aaron CopLand - In memory of all of the talented American musical composers throughout history, this section of the park has taken over the distinction of being the smallest. WasteLand - America recycles! Built entirely from recycled materials, this section boasts its own water treatment plant, glass, plastic and aluminum recycling centers, and what one spokesman describes as "a really, really big compost heap". Complimentary gas masks are issued at the entrance to WasteLand, as all biodegradable materials are left to decompose at a convenient downwind location. One-if-byLand - The American Revolution comes to life in this historic section. From the replica of the Old North Church to the bags of Mickey-blend tea ($17.95 with tax) which may be dumped into the replica of Boston Harbor, the orators, locations, lifestyles and dress of late 18th-century America are faithfully reproduced here. Visitors wearing red will be shot from behind bushes by Disney employess wearing tricorn hats. ELand - Capitalizing on the success of Bambi, Disney has created the new deerlike character, Elbert Eland. Follow Elbert's adventures through his African homeland with his good friend and mentor, Jumper the Rabbit. At the end of this simulated river ride, join in with the poachers who set the Veldt on fire and, sadly, destroy Elbert's mother. When asked about the blatant similarities to their popular deer character, Disney spokespersons were quoted as saying, "Hey, we rerelease the SAME MOVIE every year for 30 years and the little yoyos buy it! THIS'll make us a MINT!" William WestmoreLand - Riding on the success of America's operations in the Middle East, this section of the park focuses on the country's military prowess. Unfortunately the developers were unable to come up with a timely name that ended in "land" so they just picked a relatively recent military figure and stuck it in, hoping that no one would notice. Complimentary gas masks are issued at the entrance to William WestmoreLand, in case any unsavory elements should take any of it seriously. Any patrons in William WestmoreLand displaying an American flag will be shot at and missed by Disney employees dressed as Republican Guards. Their task is made easier, however, by other Disney employees dressed as CNN correspondents who will continually point out your location while visiting.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)