Here's something which I whipped up while frustrated on USC campus. These are blatant stereotypes which will probably label me as a male chauvanist pig and my mailbox will runneth over. But its intent is to be humorous. Do with it what you will. --Walker
1. Expensive pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of the pussy found on the USC campus falls into this catagory.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.
Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it. Often not worth it.
Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend, doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually cheaper than Expensive pussy.
Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap pussy in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it.
Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit" if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained.
Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually using birth control which can cause "accidents," can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.
Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.
Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it.
Advantages: There are no advantages.
Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it.
Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can.
Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful.
Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things.
Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it.
Disadvantages: Never really worth it.
[Ed: Original-From-Address: firstname.lastname@example.org (Walker J. Seestedt)]
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