(Told to me by a fellow performer...)
A famous film director, having died of late, arrives at the Pearly Gates. He is greeted by St. Peter, who is delighted to see him.
Peter: "Great! We were waiting for you! God's making a movie, and we need a director."
Director: "No, no, no! I am done! I have been directing for thirty years, and I want to rest. Eternally. Get someone else."
Peter: "But you don't understand. We have a script by Shakespeare."
Dir: "Sounds great...I'll see it opening night. I won't do it."
Peter: "Our set design is a collaborative effort between Leonardo DaVinci and M.C. Escher."
Dir: "Well, I really do need some time off. Maybe next time."
Peter: "It's a Bach score! C'mon, you've gotta do it!"
Dir: "You tempt me, Peter...."
Peter: "Here's the clincher: You've got an open budget, a tech crew known for getting stuff in early, and all the audition material you could dream of."
Dir: "Okay, okay. I'll do it. Where's the stage manager?"
Peter: "Over there. But first, there is something I have to tell you. You see, God's got a girlfriend, like, and she sings...."