JIFFY CONDOM COMPANY
6969 Slippery Root Drive
Droptrouser, NC 22269
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your recent application to model and represent our product, Jiffy Condoms.
Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy wrinkled condom is not considered romantic.
We did admire your efforts to firm it up using Poly-Grip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note however, that we have never seen a penis that looked like a bicycle grip until now.
We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by the chance we decide that there is a market for Micro-Mini Condoms.
We send greetings and our deepest sympathy to your wife and/or girlfriend.
Very Truly Yours,
Burly Dick, President
Jiffy Condom Company
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