About a month ago, I asked for real life headlines from such magazine as Weekly World News (well, "real life" is a subjective term, here). Anyway, I promised to summarize the results I received, so here dey be... From: willey@arrakis.NEVADA.EDU RUSSIA CLONES 600 HITLERS! [Weekly World News] TELEVANGELISTS ARE ALIEN BEINGS [Sun] REAL LIFE "SHOP OF HORRORS" [Weekly World News] (woman eaten by plant) SURGEON READY FOR HUMAN HEAD TRANSPLANT [News Extra] TEENAGER "CURED" BY ATTEMPTED SUICIDE [San Diego Tribune] MAN WEDS 20 WOMEN IN ONE YEAR [National Examiner] DOLLS IN THE SLAMMER [Sun] THE CHICKEN THAT ATE CHERNOBYL [Sun] MOM TRADES TWINS FOR LOTTERY TICKET [National Examiner] TWO-TOED E.T. CHILDREN [Sun] THE SAVAGE THRONE [Province] (woman's intestines sucked out when toilet flushed) KHOMEINI HOOKED ON "HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL" [Weekly World News] HER SON IS A WEREWOLF [News Extra] FORMER NUN JILTS HUSBAND FOR LESBIAN LOVER [Sydney Dailey Mirror] PREACHER GOES TO HELL AND BACK [Weekly World News] DOCTOR FREEZES DEAD FIANCEE [News Extra] WORLD'S FATTEST MAN BREAKS SCALE [Flint Journal] QUADRIPLEGIC SHOT WIFE WITH TEETH [Pensacola Florida News Journal] SPACE ALIEN CURES TEEN'S ACNE [Sun] FERGIE'S BABY IS UFO TARGET [Weekly World News] BODYBUILDER EXPLODES [Sun] BULLS SUED FOR "COW-TOWING" [Capital Times] FAN SWALLOWS REMOTE [Sun] (man swallowed remote control and changes channels by hiccuping) TAMMY FAYE'S DEVIL DOG [Weekly World News] HITLER WAS A WOMAN! [Weekly World News] EARTH IS A GIANT EGG [Sun] WOMAN MARRIES SPACE GOD [National Examiner] PINT-SIZED FALWELL SUSPENDED [Newsday] BABY ADOPTED BY ANTS [Sun] RAVIOLI WORKER ROLLS IN DOUGH [New York Times] WITCH DOCTOR SHRINKS DICKS [Weekly World News] COLONEL QADDAFI HOOKED ON THREE STOOGES [Weekly World News] WALKING CATFISH EATS FARMER [National Examiner] SOUTH RAVAGED BY WEREWOLVES [National Examiner] DOOMED CANNIBALS ATE AIDS VICTIM [Weekly World News] FACTORY WORKER THINKS HE'S DIED AND GONE TO HELL [Son] ALIENS WROTE THE CONSTITUTION [Sun] TRANSVESTITE CHESS CHAMP [National Examiner] WIFE TAKES LIFE WHEN LATE WITH LUNCH [San Francisco Chronicle] WIFE SLEEPS WITH DEAD HUSBAND [Houston Post] CANNIBAL SINGING SENSATION [Weekly World News] ROACHES TAKE OVER NEW YORK CITY BUS [Boston Globe] PLUMBER GOES DOWN THE TOILET [Sun] NURSE SAVES DYING ALIEN ABOARD UFO [Sun] From: email@example.com "3 inch dog ate my Missus" (Missus = wife in slang English) "No. 67 bus found on far side of moon" and a week later... "No. 67 bus mysteriously vanishes from far side of moon" [ All from The Sunday Sport ] From: firstname.lastname@example.org "Cabbage-patch Dolls are being possessed by the Devil" From: email@example.com "Pope Arrested in Pizza Case" [ Durham (N.C.) Morning Herald -- a "real" newspaper -- the arrestee was James Pope ] "Chinese Protest Mushrooms" [ Columbia Journalism Review, the publishers of "Squad Help Dog Bite Victim" ] From: bob@datran2.UUCP Regarding tabloid headlines, don't miss Arnold Sawislak's terrific novel, "DWARF RAPES NUN; FLEES IN UFO" I've just finished reading William Kotzwinkle's novel, THE MIDNIGHT EXAMINER ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tabloid headlines include: UFO FOUND IN GIRL'S UTERUS and UFO CAPTAIN STABS PEDESTRIAN WITH SWORD OF LIGHT Thanks to all of you who sent me stuff. If anything ever comes of what I needed it for, I'll keep the .net informed. Hmm, "UFO found in girl's uterus." That has interesting potential... -- Jim Drew (aka Crd. Xin) "Support the United Necro College Fund. firstname.lastname@example.org A body is a terrible thing to waste."
(From the "Rest" of RHF)