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These are all true Groucho Marx anecdotes garnered from "The Portable Curmudgeon" compiled by Jon Winokur.

Groucho Marx was having problems sexually (premature ejaculation). Someone recommended a topical cream guaranteed to prolong erection. When asked later whether it worked, Groucho replied, "I came rubbing the stuff on."

A guest on Groucho Marx's "You Bet Your Life" television show was a woman who had given birth to twenty-two children. "I love my husband," the woman explained sheepishly.

"I love my cigar too," Groucho said, "but I take it out once in a while."

[Ed: Reportedly Apocryphal]

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