Question: What does friendship among Soviet nationalities mean?
Answer: It means that the Armenians take the Russians by the hand; the Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukrainians take the Uzbeks by the hand; and they all go and beat up the Jews.
Question: What's meant by an exchange of opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union?
Answer: It's when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party's.
Three prison inmates were locked in the same cell; they soon began talking.
"What are you here for?" asked one inmate of another.
"They put me in for beating up some old Jew named Khaimovich," snarled one man.
"And why are you here?" asked the second of the first.
"For having defended some old Jew named Khaimovich in a fight," he replied.
"And what were you arrested for?" the third inmate was asked.
"For being Khaimovich," he sighed.