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We San Francisco Giants fans, in an attempt to salvage some amusement
out of the staggering awfulness of their radio announcers this year
(Ron Fairly and Wayne Hagen), have begun to collect "Fairlyisms,"
little gems from the Master of Mindlessness, the Nabob of the
Nonsequitur, the Sultan of the Sleight-of-Tongue.  A local columnist
prints them regularly.  Herewith, a few examples, all personally heard
by your humble poster:

After a hard-hit foul ball:
"He smashed it, he socked it, he wallopped it, he pulverized it; choose
any adjective you like."
(Technically this was a Hagenism, but They Are As One.)

After Ernest Riles hit a double:
"The crowd is on their feet.  They're asking for Riles to come out of
the dugout and take a bow.  Oh, wait . . ."

Talking about a player who was born in England:
"You know, he's one of the very few major-leaguers who wasn't born in
the U.S. . . ." (pause, for reflection) ". . . except of course for
all those Latin players who were born in Latin America."
(For you non-fans, about 20% of major-leaguers were born in Latin
America.)

- RL "Bob" Morgan

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