[ If you don't like long amusing stories that aren't actually jokes, don't bother here. ]
Script started on Fri Jun 3 15:46:22 1988 % mesg y % biff y % ftp ucbvax Connected to ucbvax. 220 ucbvax.Berkeley.EDU FTP server (Version 4.145 Tue Dec 29 12:58:51 PST 1987) ready. Name (ucbvax:koreth): anonymous Password (ucbvax:anonymous): 331 Guest login ok, send ident as password. 230 Guest login ok, access restrictions apply. ftp> ls -CF 200 PORT command successful. 150 Opening data connection for /bin/ls (126.96.36.199,2721) (0 bytes). bin/ etc/ pub/ ucs/ 226 Transfer complete. 13 bytes received in 0.39 seconds (0.032 Kbytes/s) New mail for hacker@ucscb.UCSC.EDU has arrived: ---- Date: Fri, 3 Jun 88 15:54:19 pdt
pnkrokr (John Marsher)
Oh well... [rec.humor.funny]
I hear Linda is going out with Tim now. Too bad... I know how hard you were trying. Cheer up, your luck has to change, right? ...more... ftp> cd ucs 200 CWD command okay. ftp> verbose Verbose mode off. ftp> ls -F README private/ ftp> cd private private: Permission denied ftp> get README ftp> ^Z % cat README
* Universal Control System 1.12 ***
If you are reading this file, you have access to UCS. As you know, the server has moved to inet address 188.8.131.52; telnet there as superuser to enter command mode. Unauthorized use of the UCS system will result in severe penalties. You are contracted to keep the existence of UCS a secret; information leaks are dangerous and will be dealt with appropriately. Do not attempt to enter the "private" directory.
% telnet 184.108.40.206 Trying... Connected to 220.127.116.11. Escape character is '^]'.
4.3 BSD UNIX (central.UCS.ORG)
login: root Last login: Fri Jun 3 00:55:16 from alternate 4.3 BSD UNIX Release 4.12 #69 (root@central) Tue May 24 13:25:44 PDT 1988
/tmp is 99% full. Destruction of contents will occur automatically.
/tmp/1/183424/99671/18401/3 # ls : ./ ../ Finder* c1/ c2/ c3/ c4/ c5/ c6/ o/ /tmp/1/183424/99671/18401/3 # Finder Enter objectname. Objects can be abstract to level 19 (RFC -965), including but not limited to names (translated to English if necessary), locations (longitude and latitude) and characteristics.
object> Mickey Mouse Searching........................! Found one reference.
Name: Mickey Mouse Class: Level 13 abstraction (fictional)
(anthropomorphic, mouse, cartoon)
Location: none Xref: Minnie Mouse, Walt Disney Edit? y
New name (RETURN=no change)? New class (RETURN=no change, h=help)? h
As of RFC -965, abstraction levels are defined as follows:
1. Subdimensional interface array 2. Subnuclear (wave/particle) position/velocity pairs 3. Atomic position/velocity/type 4. Simple molecular position/velocity/type 5. Complex molecular position/velocity/type 6. Inanimate microscopic object definition 7. Animate (live/powered) microscopic obdef 8. Small (<10m) inanimate obdef 9. Medium (10-50000m) inanimate obdef 10. Large (50000+ m) inanimate obdef 11. Small (<10m) animate obdef 12. Large (10+ m) animate obdef 13. Concrete meme (fictional character, word definition, etc.) 14. Abstract meme (knowledge, idea) 15. Emotion 16. Faith 17. Societal influence 18. Magic 19. (classified)
New class (RETURN=no change, h=help)? 12 Size (m)? 100 Location? Tokyo Edit object definition? n
New mail for hacker@ucscb.UCSC.EDU has arrived: ---- Date: Fri, 3 Jun 88 16:04:06 pdt
pnkrokr (John Marsher)
They just announced on the radio that a giant Mickey Mouse appeared in the middle of Tokyo and started smashing up the city! That's a really weird ...more...
Enter objectname. Objects can be abstract to level 19 (RFC -965), including but not limited to names (translated to English if necessary), locations (longitude and latitude) and characteristics.
object> Linda Peterson Searching........................................! Found five references, ordering by distance from user.
Name: Linda Peterson Class: Level 11 abstraction (animate)
Location: "University of California at Santa Cruz--room 103 Kerr" Xref: Tim Fowler Edit? y
New name (RETURN=no change)? New class (RETURN=no change, h=help)? New location (RETURN=no change)? user's dorm room New xref (RETURN=no change)? user Edit object definition? y Enter attribute to edit or 'q' to quit: libido New value (5=cadaver, 100=maximum, current=48)? 150 Warning: value out of range, results unpredictable. Enter attribute to edit or 'q' to quit: q
/tmp/1/183424/99671/18401/3 # sleep 3600 /tmp/1/183424/99671/18401/3 # Message from central.UCS.ORG!god on console at 17:48 ... Thou art not an authorized user. Heed thee my README. EOF Message from ucscb.UCSC.EDU!pnkrokr on ttyi3 at 19:50 ... Hey! You've been idle for two hours... Check out this picture.
***** ** ** ** ** * ** ***** * ** ** * ** * * * __ __ * ** * / . /. * ** * __/ __/ * ** * . * * * * . * ** * * . * ** ** * * * * * ** * * * * **** * * ** * **** * * * ** **** * * **** ** ** * * * ** * *** ** ** * ********** * | * * | * ***
Woof. Oh well, have fun being idle. EOF Message from ucscb.UCSC.EDU!pnkrokr on ttyh9 at 01:05 ... What's up? You away from the terminal or something? EOF /tmp/1/183424/99671/18401/3 # logout
God is dead. -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is dead. -- God Nietzsche is God. -- dead
Connection closed by foreign host. % cat >/dev/null Hey, this is John... Been breaking into root again, huh? I logged you out so nobody would notice. What's this pillar of salt doing next to your terminal? You get weirder every day. Damn, what did you do to your bed? It looks like someone took a Cuisinart to it... Guess you had some fun... :) Speaking of which, you should be down in the stat lab. Linda is down there acting horny as hell. She's begging all the geeks to go to bed with her. Looks like you're missing out... ^C % script done on Sat Jun 4 12:18:36 1988