[Ed: This is my own sketch based on the various Gary Hart jokes I got.]
Senator Hart: Thank you for coming, ladies and Gentlemen of the Press. I have called this conference because, after scoring 2 points under Colonel Qadafhi in the latest caucus, I have decided to withdraw from the race. For the first time in this campaign, I have decided to take questions on my personal life.
Reporter A: Senator, do you think you might get back in the race later?
Hart: I think that too much plunging in and pulling out was what got me into trouble in the first place.
Reporter A: No chance at all?
Hart: One case of campaignus interruptus is enough for me.
Reporter B: Senator, how has this whole thing affected your marriage? What do you say to your wife if she talks to you while making love?
Hart: Hi, Lee, how's the weather in Denver?
Reporter C: Mr. Hart, what was your biggest mistake in going out with Donna Rice?
Hart: I should have let Ted Kennedy drive her home.
Reporter D: Is it true that you plan to write a book about the whole affair?
Hart: Yes, it's called "Six Inches From the White House." It will be the greatest political book of this century.
Reporter D: Surely you're exaggerating?
Hart: Ok, perhaps not six inches.
Reporter E: Would the democrats have done better with you than Governor Dukakis?
Hart: I think it's fair to say I could lick Bush better than any of the others.
Reporter F: Senator, could you do a number for us with the band?
Hart: Hit it!
(Donna - music by Richie Valens)
Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna I had a girl, and Donna was her name Since she had me, my career is in shame 'Cause I love my girls, but Donna sure did it to me. (She now sells blue jeans.)
I dared the press to follow me home. Forgetting my dick has a will of its own. 'Cause I love my girls, and Donna your one night cost me the presidency.
Well darling, I never said To wreck my e - lec - tion. I talked of something else, you could do.
I had a girl, and Mary was her name
Offstage: Gary, Gary, they don't know about Mary yet. Hart: Oh.
I had a girl, and Donna's still her name She had a Hart, and ruined my game But I love my girls, and Donna for one night of fun, No nomination.
Oh, Donna, Oh Donna Oh, Donna, Oh Donna Oh, Donna, Oh Donna
Sound: In blackout, play tape of "Hello Mary Lou, Goodbye Heart"
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