1) Submitted by several, first Greg Woods
Q: What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
2) Submitted by several, first Kyle Adler
These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:
"Help me, ladies! I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?"
The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!"
Merrill Lynch has adjusted its investment portfolio: 50% cash and 50% canned goods.
Bumper sticker on Wall Street: My other Porsche is for sale.
How many investment bankers can you fit in the back of a pickup truck? Only 2 - you have to leave room for the lawn mowers!
I have an uncle down at Wall Street. He used to have a corner on the market. Now he has a market on the corner.
"Get my broker, Miss Jones."
"Yes sir. Stock, or Pawn?"
Q: In these busy market times, how can you get the attention of your broker?
A: Say, "Hey, waiter!"
How do you get a broker down from a tree?
Cut the rope.
5) The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.
Many have sent jokes about broker suicides. Since there actually were very few, if any, both now and in 1929, these didn't really get much of a laugh. You could also see them all coming down 6th avenue, so I'm not posting.