Best of Jokes Current Jokes RHF Home Search Sponsor RHF?
Fun Stuff & Jokes
Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Harry Potter: Financial Wizard (O. Sharp)

"It's not like that in the magical world, 'Arry," Hagrid said, voice
lowered in concern.  "Y'see, when Vol...  well, when You-Know-Who
set up a trust deposit insurance scheme, 'e didn't account for rising
interest rates.  And 'e didn't give codflakes about whether it would
influence currency issues abroad, or take into account nominal
seasonal fluctuations in the GNP as accounted for in Dumbledore's
rules.  See, that's what makes him so evil, Harry; by doin' this he
unpinned meaningful values from real estate an' just left 'em
floatin', an' so the loss in equity was inevitable..."

           *     *     *

Harry's capitalization pool was starting to roll over.  He knew there
was fallout risk.  With a quick glance at Ron and Hermione he added a
short hedge of soft dollars and stirred in some FASB No. 8.  But this
was a mistake; the market began churning, and his small-issues
exemption began to smoke.  He started trying to write down the value
when he felt, rather than heard, Snape gliding up from behind.  His
variance was harsher, less ironic, than usual.  "So, Potter," he
sneered.  "_That's_ your solution?  When someone takes a poison pill,
you can't always just shove a BARRA analysis down their throat, you
know.  If this had been a volatile market you'd be in Azkaban for
having violated Glass-Steagall." Snape looked down his nose at him,
his equity balanced.  "You're just like your father: arrogant, always
at unsystematic risk, overextended, overbought and underfinanced."

This was too much.  "My father was not overextended!" Harry shouted,
jumping from his stool, portfolio in hand...

           *     *     *

"_Accio Jensen index!_" Harry cried, pointing his wand at the
maintenance margin requirement.  If he could just prevent Voldemort
from off-balance-sheeting a little longer, he knew Hermione would come
through with the EAMS differential disclosure.  But Voldemort's equity
was powerful, even with Dumbledore's setting value date on the
Eurodollar; his random-walk didn't seem so random, and Harry was sure
that even with translation exposure he could paper over his losses.
"_Autoregressive kedavra!_" Voldemort snarled with a sudden fiduciary.
Harry leaped aside, nearly forced to sell at a dirty price.  If he
hadn't set his global bonds to Market-if-touched he would have been
forced into liquidity...

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Best of Jokes | Current Jokes | RHF Home | Search