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Make money even faster! (Andy Valencia)
(smirk, Internet)

I've discovered a foolproof way to make billions of dollars and take controlling interest in the major corporation of your choice. I'll share my secret with you, since I'm all done using my system (hint: if you want to buy any corporation known by three capital letters... forget it.).

Step 1:

Find somebody you trust to work with you as your partner. Your wife is a good choice, although in a pinch your pet hamster will suffice.

Step 2:

Create a company. Building a company with strong technical underpinnings and lead by a passionate and visionary leader is best. However, you can also cycle through e-<word>.com, choosing <word>'s from the dictionary until you find one which isn't used. Whatever.

If you find all the names are used, try the dictionary of a foreign language.

Step 3:

Go public! Issue 1,000,000,000 shares of stock. Keep 999,999,999 shares for yourself, and sell the other share.

Step 4:

Have your partner buy that share for $100.

Step 5:

Party!!!!! You now have a $100 billion market cap. Make sure you give interviews to Time, WSJ, and so forth. (If you don't understand why you have a $100 billion market cap, please close your AOL account and go back to your day job; this system isn't for you.)

Step 6:

Buy the company of your choice, using your $100 billion in stock. (Note: avoid companies created using this system.)

Step 7:

Retire. You've worked hard, and you deserve it.


This system may not work for everyone. Consult an attorney.

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